Phaneendra - the moviemaker & Sreemaan - the troublemaker/ Neanderthal.

Nowadays I am feeling like a big Pro in art. I am not lying- Out of 1-10 I am at level 6. 

***

I have been playing this video game called Sprunki lately, it’s a little game where you can press an icon and a sound will come and you can make a tune. But when you get into the phase 2 of the game it starts sounding a bit freaky. I never got to phase 3, but I guess it’s the most horrifying. Anyway, the tunes which came from the game are still dancing in my head. Even at school. The tune is dancing in my head so much that I am whistling it without knowing. And today I am very sad. Because one of the shows I was interested in ended right away. I guess the show came so recently that they are still planning new episodes. Anyway today I am bummed out. 

***

My father makes terrible bad jokes. My father is also kind and a bit dumbish. Anyway, here’s the big reveal. My father’s name is Phaneendra Kumar. My father made one movie, it was called Vellipovaali. Well, I guess it’s a film for adults, cause I didn’t get interested in it. But the other people who watched the film complimented my father and the other people who made it with him. And my father actually got quite a bit of money from the movie and he fed us. The meal was nice, we had to grill it ourselves, it was fun. That I had a terrible case of diarrhoea. 

My father has an interest in filmmaking and books. I don’t know but by the Youtube videos he watches about these things- one of the names I heard was Tarantino. And my father reads books made by Kafka, Anton Chekhov, Hemingway and others. 

Anyway, for the film my father made, he was the actor, director, cameraman, editor, assistant director and every other thing you need to make a movie. And I think he was the producer too. And my father made a few short films too. Anyway, I am proud of my father for working hard and making many books. And I hope he’ll make many other books and inspire other people to make things too. And one day I wish he becomes a legend.  

***

Back to my school life. Now this is about SREEMAAN. He’s lucky and a bit dumb. So in 5th class when I first met him, he said, “I am Hanuman”. Anyway he gave that up now in 6th class and said, “Meher! I have to tell you something. I lied to you. I am not Hanuman. I am a normal boy.” & I said, “WAIT! YOU THINK I BELIEVED THAT YOU WERE A GOD! AND IF I DID, IT’S A MIRACLE THAT I CAME TO THIS SCHOOL.” 

***

Now to 6th Class. You know everytime you come to the higher class, you are supposed to mature. But everyday Sreemaan got a bit older, he didn’t get smarter, he became dumber. 

One day he came to me and said (—Wait, before I tell you, if you tell Sreeman that I told you this… you are more worthless than a fart and you’ll be reborn as a dung beetle). Ok, back to where we were: Sreeman came to me and said, in a whispery and very timid voice, “Meher! I have a crush on S+%#$a.” And I was fine with it, I didn't care. I thought it would be like his Hanuman-thing. But should I tell you a shocking thing: It seems that this is real. That his love is true. A kid in my class called Srithan Babu joked that he also loved S+%#$a. And Sreemaan and Srithan fought. And Sreemaan went to S+%#$a and tried to propose. But, S+%#$a was not a good person. She once kicked me in the back so hard while I was running, in the class room, that I lost my balance, and fell down and skidded all the way to the cupboard. And my face almost ended in the dustbin. So S+%#$a daily hits Sreemaan. And whenever S+%#$a hits me, I get mad, and give her an angry glare. But Sreemaan, the little idiot, says, ‘HEY! HOW DARE YOU LOOK AT S+%#$A LIKE THAT! IF YOU DO THIS AGAIN, I’LL NO LONGER BE FRIENDS WITH YOU.’ See, how dumb he is. And I realized long ago, if Sreemaan really is a true friend, he’s D-friend. D-friend means- Dumb friend. And I don’t understand, he always crawls around this kid whose popular. He is in the same class as me. His name is Vardhan. Whenever Sreemaan goes and tries to talk with Vardhan, Vardhan ignores him. And when I ask Vardhan what he thinks of Sreemaan, I can say what Vardhan thinks of Sreemaan in one word: Neanderthal.

So I am on the hunt for new friends. 

And wish me good luck. 

But before you leave, remember,  if you tell Sreeman that I told you this… you are more worthless than a fart and you’ll be reborn as a dung beetle! So try not to spill the beans… UNDERSTOOD! 

Toilets - then & now

It’s me Meher. I am in Class 6 and it’s a great class! The school I'm in is ‘Don Bosco’, and it’s quite fun, but this post is about the past, about my old school. 

2 Years and 6 Months Ago! (in Sponge Bob voice)

I was in Castletown. In my mind it was a bad school. Let's start with the bathrooms. Those were hell, just HELL! And if you want to picture those bathrooms- try to picture the worst urinal and toilet and multiply the ugliness by the thousand. Then you would get the image of the bathrooms in Castletown. And Don Bosco, a very nice school on all fronts, has the most beautiful bathrooms in the world. Even God would be happy to use it. But there’s a problem. From the inside you can actually lock the doors so that nobody can come in. And there’s a iron circular platform like thing, that when you close it, it tells you that somebody’s inside. There’s a big iron screw in the front. Nobody can take out the iron screw. But the screw is attached to the locking mechanism. And with your id card, which is thin and strong enough to fit into the small wedge in the middle of the screw, you can open the bathroom door and close it, even when you are outside. And that sucks. Everytime I go into the bathroom I have to hold on to the lock. Because some dumb pervert will try to open it. Except for this, these bathrooms are so clean, that they encourage you to not shit in your pants. 

Now, back to Castletown. Our dear beloved terrible hell of a school. Everyone in the school is a bit cuckoo. So basically out of a thousand, there are only 10 or 20 smart kids in the entire school. Back then, I didn’t even have any real friends. So I was always in the background in the playground, asking in this small timid voice, “Can I play too?”. And then my so called friends would act like they didn't even hear me. In third class, I made some real friends. I think! They are Vishal, Yashwin, Satish. These kids were nice in third class. But later on, they rotted away into dumb and mean idiots. And I was also really frequently bullied. But now that I am a bit stronger than before, I hope I’ll get the opportunity to just whip their ass.